Sunday, January 9, 2011

Oh No, it's the Avant Garde!

With all the threats David Walsh has been making about how shocking the MONA experience will better be bloody shocking
If there isn't a depiction of a masturbating Mary Mackillop fashioned out of dried wombat CUM and used tampons or two mechanised WW1 diggers felating a large negro body builder some one will pay dearly by the living holy powers.

I'm having images of a titillated Walsh on opening day loitering in disguise listening in on peasant Hobartians grunts of horror at the power and glory of his 'shocking' and visionary art collection.

"Look Noel, there's a photo of some one eating a shit sandwich, tee hee".

"Have you seen the arse camera in the dunny Paula, this Walsh character is one sick benevolent genius".

Bring on the rich mans folly and we'll let you know how it stacks up against the ghost train at the Hobart Show.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Naked Footy Star Photo Fiasco

At the centre of this tale of utter banality is a seventeen year old girl whose past, supposed misdemeanours and character are defined in online face book bites and news grabs. She supposedly had her first encounter with one of the offending celebrity footy meat samples at a school sports clinic? Chilling if true.

Regardless of what your thoughts are re said seventeen year olds level of culpability in this whole fiasco, the fact remains that football boof heads have taken photos of each others loins, saved them onto their laptops or online social pages and then got all sooky lah lah when an underage girl who has access to the images posts them on line. What did they expect to happen?

Why take photos of each others willies and save them?
Why are you fraternising with a minor?
Why are you sulking when it all turns to shit?
Why aren't you in the priesthood?

Apart from the reported liaison between adult football identities and a child, it's the sulking that I find particularly irksome in this whole affair. Nick Riewoldt pleading victim-ship in a written statement made me want to chunder up dinners from past lives. It was reminiscent of the Troy Buswell chair sniffing incident, when an opportunity to whoop it up over a pooning session gone wrong was forgone in preference for a weak career saving public sob and apology.

My suggestion to the custodians of all 'low IQ, high public risk' football codes is to take your newly registered players to a large film studio and force them to perform unspeakable acts on each other and on high ranking members of the air force and on cattle and on purpose whilst being videoed by Jesuits. This footage can then be posted on a web page titled 'So Farking What'.

More importantly my advice to the offending footy meat axe brigade is...
Stay away from children unless they are yours or you are being supervised by a eunuch kung fu master,
Cease and desist taking photos of each others cocks, stop getting golden retrievers to lick your balls and stop resisting arrest.

As a foot note;
Sweet Jesus deliver unto me the Nokia boffin who decided to stick a camera into his mobile phone so that I can stick a lawn mower in his toilet and mercilessly shred his buttocks. Lesson? Don't engage in lord less, unholy unions of devices. Don't put micro wave ovens on the steering wheels of cars, don't put cordless drills in get the picture.